Writer answers back Marcos bashers to answer a qualifying test for them to be buried in the LNMB

It’s been two weeks since the late President Ferdinand Marcos laid to rest at the Libingan ng mga Bayani yet people are still bitter about it.


An article was published about a test for people to assess themselves if they are qualified to be buried in the LNMB on December 2.

Alan Robles of Hot Manila said in his column that Duterte administration didn’t decided alone for the hero’s burial given to the late Marcos, and consulted scholars to look for possibility if the corpse can be buried.

“The experts used  test specially designed by members of The Official Gazette, called the Test for Interring The Marcos Officer (TITIMO). You can it yourself and see if you qualify to be buried in the heroes cemetery,” Robles said.

The said test consists of 17 questions. These questions are name; title; current status;  are you really dead?; if you’re dead, then who is answering this form?; are you lying?; military record; why should you be buried in the LNMB?; does your fake record have support from any fake historians?; do the fake historians have any of the of the following funny names; are they really just one stupid bald guy?; did you commit any crimes; really bad crimes? Like lying and stealing and stuff like that?; describe the popular attitude to you; any loot to declare; describe the burial plot you want; and willing to be airdropped in grave?

All of the questions come with choices.

1. NAME
a. Real
b. Alias
c. As seen in illegal Swiss accounts

2. TITLE (check as many as apply)
a. President
b. Dictator
c. Douchebag

3. CURRENT STATUS
a. Alive
b. Decomposing
c. Hiding from angry citizens

4. ARE YOU REALLY DEAD?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Most of the time

5. IF YOU'RE DEAD, THEN WHO IS ANSWERING THIS FORM?
a. William Saunders
b. Jane Ryan
c. Secret

6. ARE YOU LYING?
a. No
b. Of course not
c. Do I look like a liar to you?

7. MILITARY RECORD
a. Veteran
b. Fake
c. Who cares? Aren't we paying you enough?

8. WHY SHOULD YOU BE BURIED IN THE LMB?
a. Bought war medals
b. Faked war record
c. Paid for it (shhh)

9. DOES YOUR FAKE RECORD HAVE SUPPORT FROM ANY FAKE HISTORIANS?
a. Yes
b. Lots
c. Extremely low budget ones

10. DO THE FAKE HISTORIANS HAVE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING FUNNY NAMES?
a. Flippityflop
b. Mrs Riah
c. Toto Bee

11. ARE THEY REALLY JUST ONE STUPID BALD GUY?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Damn how'd you find out?

12. DID YOU COMMIT ANY CRIMES?
a. Yes
b. Sure
c. So what

13. REALLY BAD CRIMES? LIKE LYING AND STEALING AND STUFF LIKE THAT?
a. Yeah
b. Kinda
c. Look, how long do I have to keep answering this?

14. DESCRIBE THE POPULAR ATTITUDE TO YOU
a. Hated
b. Detested
c. Loved by millions of fake accounts

15. ANY LOOT TO DECLARE?
a. Yes
b. No
c. I'm sure we can come to some arrangement wink wink

16. DESCRIBE THE BURIAL PLOT YOU WANT
a. Simple grave
b. Elaborate tomb
c. Duplex with mod cons and removable sun roof

17. WILLING TO BE AIRDROPPED IN GRAVE?
a. Yes
b. Hell yes
c. Bombs away

Read Also: 19 Names Of Anti-Dictatorship Heroes Affixed To Bantayog ‘Wall Of Remembrance’

Meanwhile Robles said regarding the procedure of rating, “fill up this form then roll the paper into a ball, throw into the trashcan and wait for the President to tell you what to do.”

[Source: ABS-CBN News]